to my first born daughter....

The time has passed so quickly by
where have the years flown to-
since I heard your very first cry,
and also was the first to hold you.

As I look back on childhood days,
and then to teenage years-
I remember sharing in many ways,
your thoughts, ambitions, joys and tears.

But now it is time to let you go,
soon now you will be a bride-
and this time when you leave I know,
you’ll have a husband at your side.

and so on this your day of days,
I wish you joy and happiness-
and pray Allah/God be with you always,
and your marriage forever bless.

Mama

Aerobics a la Libeeya !

Aerobic clubs are booming here in Tripoli. In the past many young men would join nowadays many women young and old do aerobics. We are so delighted to have all these clubs and choices are made according not to taste but the trainer who gives us most hell and sweats the daylights out of us !

I have been doing aerobics since going on a weight loss programme about two years ago; I found myself to be less stressed and better poised with the added fact of my asthma attacks diminishing to a minimum. Now having my daughters wedding one after the other I find myself leaving the chaotic house and running full speed to my blessed place.

The one thing that I have found to be quite unique is that all these young women and not so young like myself share one common factor; that of being pear shaped or should I say being heavy seated. They tend to lose weight a lot from the upper body, due to restriction of food then pigging out; but form waist downwards its another story altogether. Yep ,aha you got it !

Pear shaped is supposedly feminine one might say . Or men usually enjoy sexy ladies more than the skinny ones. But then again, what we have here is different, as always . Libyan women are small to medium frames and when you add a big lower part of body they tend to look shorter still ..One time they put on a song ,which had a good beat to it but the words were something I just couldn’t get out of my mind:"You and me baby are nothing but mammals ,so lets……".by Bloodhound Gang ,the sullen issue is that of the ladies with me know little or no English so they hum it along and make do with what they hear and repeat it! One day I had had enough and told the trainer, of the language used in the song and she was so embarrassed, so now I have the task of choosing the songs which is better at least I don’t get the stupid song in my head going on and on….

When doing my work out, I am faced with all these big a…s jiggling to all kinds of tunes that sometimes drive me nuts. So what do I do? I join forces with younger and healthier ones leaving the big a….s to huff puff their way to their target. I know I sound mean ,but I m not ;just hope I never go back to that huffing and puffing away like a balloon about to explode at any given minute! I was there, and hope I never go back because being with the fatsos gives me a kind of comfort that I dread feeling . For then, I know I will go back to my old eating habits and become a big fat woman again .

To Anglo- Good old memories !

the biggest calamar ever !

from a distance

demolition .....

old fishing boats no longer in use

seems like cemetery for boats......

Hag. Mustafa with morning catch of mughzil( white and blue fish )
!

fishermans son Mahmoud
wild Al rayes( son of head of fishermen)

fishermen just coming in if you click the pic enlarge

the cars that you in the distance are all fishermen's cars parked ;them being still at sea

this how the calimar is caught ie the bait

fishing net

old unused boats and garbage

freshly caught calamar

with mochiata in one hand and the cigarette in the other young fishermen -typical of all young Libyans

crushed ice for the catch

Al :

This ones for you as its near the old Underwater Club where you used to live or in fact just behind it.

Do you remember ????


I go for long walks in the mornings and during my walk I sometimes buy fish from none other than the Gergarish fishermen !The site has been demolished all around them yet they still continue to strive and go fishing some as a hobby others to make a living. I like to buy from them cause they are nearby and I get to see them come in with their catch of the day.
The Gergarish Fishermen get up very early before Fejer (dawn ,sunrise)and come in at around 9.30 10 .00 am.

We have a great fish market just recently made near where the old one used to be in the Tripoli harbour but its so crowded and I just detest crowds !
Here its so peaceful and everyone knows me though I'm the only lady that buys from them !Many people are scared from the Gergarish people due everything being available in the area from any liquor to drugs. But the fishermen are another story they are real gentlemen and are so kind. Sometimes they wont even take any money from me. So what do I do ? I cant refuse as it would be rude . Next time I come I bring them a flask of Libyan strong sweetened tea cake and caak( Libyan cookies).

Some of them are old and grouchy while others are neat and clean ,but they all share and have one thing in common that of the sea....and that folks is what I share with them . I love our sea side as it brings back old memories. I remember my father when I used to go fishing with him on Fridays, as he loved the sea so much ; guess I inherited it from him . Once he told me ,he wished he could die in the sea so the fish would eat him little by little . I never quite figured out why he'd say that, and it used to scare me stiff. My father taught me how to swim ;by throwing me into the sea yep he'd throw me in and jump in after me after having gulped so much sea water and crying for him to come to me,he'd say "Come on L stop being a baby,you're a fisherman's daughter and my first born and I cant have you not knowing how to swim !"

Chit Chat....

Since doing the Lasik I still haven’t been able to get my distance sight in order . I have now become farsighted. All well you may say as I no longer need specs for reading or using the computer.. Halleluiah …….Ah but the doctors said it wont last and to not get discouraged when all comes to an end and the need for glasses to read with will be another trip down memory lane.

Now with this nearsightedness came a very serious option that Id really had no idea of it occurring and thought it to be the norm;but it wasn’t.

I have come to see very minute things which I hadn’t before. Like the other day I was paying my respects to a friend who’d lost her uncle and I simply couldn’t take my eyes of her black spots and pimples with the sudden urge of wanting so desperately to squeeze them for her had she conceited to it ! I just cant stand anyone with blocked noses ,nose hairs sticking out growing like in a jungle of their noses, pimples that are about to blast or black spots needing to be popped open.

My brain keeps ringing; pimple needing opening,cleaned pus and disinfect. Black spots needing squeezing with steam and disinfect nose hairs needing plucking ..pluck pluck pluck……finding myself searching desperately on another focus instead of looking at the person with mentioned faults, which is somewhat rude but what can I do ? My option would be that ,or Id finding myself asking is the nicest way to help them take care of the darn pimple which as staring at me !

I get this feeling; the pimples and other in question want me to handle them. I may sound weird and may even be so, but this tendency has increased after doing Lasik.

I used a magnifying mirror in the past, to put my make-up on and now no longer in need, which is great. Driving also tends to be quite hectic especially at night, so I’ve opted to not drive late in the evenings.

Another experience was that of realizing how many people looked different .I had never quite seen them so vividly clear before and I was using two spectacles ;one for reading and the other for distance. Some had such big teeth that I thought needed extraction or maybe should’ve pulled them all out and used dentures instead ,here I only had the urge to keep smiling and doing my best to not focus on the abnormalities people have.It kind of reminded me of reading old novels about the Britannia Era when,women, were told to think of England during the wedding night !

Think of England ,my dear daughter !as if to her mind at ease. No way, do I see myself telling my daughters on their wedding nights,to think of Libya or the Arab world at that !

My ,oh my, times, have changed …

Before doing Lasik I literally learned where all the pot holes were on my usual daily trips to work and other…..my kids’ brand named cars and colours so that should they encounter me Id recognize them immediately.The other day, while I was driving with my youngest daughter, my big baby, a handsome clean cut young man gave me the widest smile ever while waving to me ,I didn't recognize the car,as it wasn't ours,so I ,naturally smiled back commenting to my daughter that he’s so good looking and young wondering why he waved ,to which she replied : "Mama he’s your son ,my brother !”

That’s how bad my eyesight was .

Happy Easter !

A Happy Easter to all who celebrate it !

..and Allah/God created woman.....

A good friend sent me this ,which I thought worth sharing and posting .




"The women talk openly about the misery they face - homelessness, the death of loved ones, whose photos they love to hand round, their children's trauma after the horrors they've seen.The women talk openly about the misery they face - homelessness, the death of loved ones, whose photos they love to hand round, their children's trauma after the horrors they've seen."


"But much harder for them discuss, the mental health workers say, is the abuse increasing numbers of Gaza women suffer at home. "


You can read the rest here

To this article and ones similar, are really always a great concern to my daily existence .Being mother and teacher to our Libyan daughters ; I respond not to the Women of Gaza alone,which are in my prayers as are all my friends and family and anyone in need of prayers,but to all women...

A maltreated woman ,whether be she in in Gaza , Libya, or the west is more or less in the same position. Nothing differs with the implication of verbal or physical abuse ;resulting in a weakened mistreated woman who doesn't know right from wrong behavior as shes brought to up to believe that anything her so called beloved ,destined, ,provider and supposedly devoted husband is correct though deep in her gut feels something is wrong and lives in self denial....

In this world of ours women be they whatever ethnic race, or religion are continuously being abused verbally or physically.
Being a mother of daughters ,I simply get sick upon hearing about abuse of any nature ,but especially towards women who are the center of life and if well nourished and I dont mean foodwise can contribute with all they have to their families. I pray that my daughters and all women never have to go through such cruelty as degrading as it is.......

Libyan men are the same as others humans of the same sex when it comes to abuse. Verbal abuse is always the first to be implemented ie to keep the wife on her toes.If the woman is successful in her work ,the man with his mothers support will put her in her place at whatever cost even if it takes them to court.

I always told my daughters and female students to never accept such situations because as soon as the verbal part of abuse sets in then the physical will follow suite ,no matter the years of marriage ,or the children a couple share etc... he has to prove his machismo and dedication to his mother first, to feel himself a man .

I am not stating this out of the blue. I am very familiar with the situation.
A woman must accept herself as that ie the joy of being a woman, as Allah/God created. Having a decent partner these days is like winning the lottery . Yes, its all about luck and how the woman responds to the her man's abusiveness.

A unknown quote I always use with all the young ladies I teach is that
"when I teach a man ;I teach a person,when I teach a woman I teach a family."
That is why we must pay a lot of attention to our younger generation of women and rid them of their weaknesses by educating them and making them fully aware of abusive men and what theyd be up against.Some women are just plain magnets to these bunch of losers.

What it all comes down to is lack of awareness for both partners. We say that its more common in the Arab world than in the west until we read the headlines of open minded women who are self dependent and supported but in abusive relationships.Now ,where do we put the blame?????


The blame dear readers is in the weak woman. The more she advances intellectually and becomes aware of such weaknesses the better her option of having a great partner thus a successful marriage.

No husband or wife will ever be 100%. It takes two to tango !But abuse is not to be pushed under the carpet. Here in Libya, it's an accepted fact that its better being married no matter what the cost of abuse, than divorced. Even if the husband is not only verbally abusive but physically too.

Many men are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are more subtle.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul.

Many women never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is quite sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse with such respect that people often think they "are the perfect couple." They save their cruelty for a private audience of one.

Why do intelligent, warm women permit verbal abuse from fiances and later from spouses?

During the courtship period, everyone is on their best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and probably few and far between. Since women want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse. Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry and live together. And the abuse starts...


Many women find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because you cannot see it, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused women state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously. These questions will help you identify if you ,the wonderful woman that Allah/God created ,are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it.

What is your relationship like?

* Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it?
* Do you feel that your partner controls your life?
* Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings?
* Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you?
* Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
* Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes?
* Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you are abused is because he loves you?
* Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you?
* Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
* When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag?
* Are you prevented from going to work or school, or from learning English?
* Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin?
* If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny,
* or say you don't deserve anything?
* After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up?
* Does he use the children against you in arguments? Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave?
* Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?

How are you affected?

* Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself?
* Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him?
* Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
* Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate?
* Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, use?
* Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to?
* Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time?
* Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours?
* Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone?

What can you do about it?

* Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help.
* Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse.
* Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously.
* Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death.
* Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour.
* Find people to talk to that can support you.

* Find someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously.
* Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time.
* Trust yourself and your own experiences. Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive.

Any woman whos in an abusive rapport please bear in mind that when you accept that you are in an abusive relationship ;you are half way to helping yourself and children if any.....