From a dear friend comes this interesting article .......
“And among men are those who purchase idle HADITH (tales) without knowledge to mislead (men) from the Path of God, and make a mockery of it (God’s Path)” [Quran, Luqman (31): 6]
http://www.free-minds.org/articles/hadith/hadithhistory.htm
Warning: The article has stirred controversy amongst the muslims. The Ahl-e-Hadith labelled it "Fitna" and the "Ijtihadists" called it "lifting the fog from minds and souls". You decide!
Thursday, 11 September 2008
War With Russia Is On The Agenda
Sent to me by a friend -and would like to share with you all...
By Paul Craig Roberts
Thinking about the massive failure of the US media to report truthfully is sobering. The United States, bristling with nuclear weapons and pursuing a policy of world hegemony, has a population that is kept in the dark--indeed brainwashed--about the most important and most dangerous events of our time.
The power of the Israel Lobby is an important component of keeping Americans in the dark. Recently I watched a documentary that demonstrates the control that the Israel Lobby exercises over Americans’ view of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The documentary is available here.
As a result of the US media’s one-sided coverage, few Americans are aware that for decades Israel has been ethnically cleansing Palestinians from their homes and lands under protection of America’s veto in the United Nations. Instead, the dispossessed Palestinians are portrayed as mindless terrorists who attack innocent Israel.
If one reads Israeli newspapers, such as Haaretz, or publications from Israeli organizations, such as the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions, one gets a radically different view of the situation than the propagandistic version delivered by US media and evangelical pulpits.
Most Americans know of the 2000 attack by Muslim terrorists on the USS Cole in Aden harbor that resulted in 17 dead and 39 wounded American sailors. But few have heard of Israel’s 1967 attack on the USS Liberty that left 34 American sailors dead and 174 wounded. Pressured by the Israel Lobby, President Johnson ordered Admiral McCain, father of the Republican presidential nominee, to cover up the attack. To this day there never has been a congressional investigation.
The failure of the American media is again evident in the coverage of the Georgian-Russian conflict. The US media presented the conflict as a Russian invasion of Georgia, whereas in actual fact the American and Israeli trained and equipped Georgian military launched a sneak attack to kill and to drive the Russian population out of South Ossetia, a separatist province.
Russian peacekeepers, together with Georgian ones, had been stationed in South Ossetia since the early 1990s. On orders from Mikheil Saakashvili, the American puppet "president" of Georgia, the Georgian peacekeepers turned their weapons on the unsuspecting Russian peacekeepers and murdered them.
This action by Saakashvili, elected with money from the neoconservative National Endowment for Democracy, an election-rigging tool of US hegemony, was a war crime. In truth, the Russians should have hung Saakashvili, as he is far more guilty than was Saddam Hussein. But it is Russia, not Saakashvili, that the US media has demonized.
Americans have become perfect subjects for George Orwell’s Big Brother. They sit stupidly in front of the TV news or the New York Times or Washington Post and absorb the lies fed to them. What is wrong with Americans? Why do they put up with it? Are Americans the nation of sheep that Judge Andrew P. Napolitano says they are? Americans flaunt "freedom and democracy" and live under a Ministry of Propaganda.
Two decades ago, President Reagan reached agreement with Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev to end the dangerous cold war. But every one of Reagan’s successors has sought to pick a new fight with Russia. In violation of the agreement, NATO has been taken to Russia’s borders, and the US is determined to put former constituent parts of Russia herself into NATO. In an effort to neutralize Russia’s nuclear deterrent and compromise her independence, the US is putting anti-ballistic missile bases on Russia’s borders.
The gratuitously aggressive US military policy toward Russia will lead to nuclear war. I am confident that if Americans elect John McCain, or the Republicans steal another presidential election, there will be nuclear war in the second decade of the 21st century. The neocon lies, propaganda, macho flag-waving, and use of US foreign policy in the interests of a few military-security firms, oil companies, and Israel are all leading in that direction.
The November election is perhaps the last chance to avoid nuclear war. But the opportunity might already have been missed. The Republicans have chosen as their candidate one of the most ignorant warmongers alive. The Democrats’ choice was between one of the most divisive women in America and a man of mixed race with a funny name. Considering American’s taste for war, the Democratic candidate could fail to defeat the GOP war candidate.
Many Americans will vote against Obama because he is black. Why does mixed ancestry confer the black label? If America’s population was predominantly black, would Obama be considered white?
Race and propaganda are more likely to determine the outcome of the November election than any awareness or consideration of real issues by voters.
The real issues are suffocated by the media. The American middle class is being destroyed by jobs offshoring and work visas for foreigners, while the incomes of the super rich are soaring. The US dollar’s reserve currency status is eroded. The US is massively in debt at home and abroad. Health insurance is unaffordable for the vast majority of the population. Injured veterans are being nickeled and dimed, while Halliburton’s profits escalate. Americans are losing their homes, while the US government bails out banks. Wars with Iran, Russia, and China are being planned in order to secure US hegemony.
Americans no longer have a government that is for the people and by the people. They have a government for and by special interests and an insane ideology.
But Americans have war, which lets them take out all their frustrations, resentments, and disappointments on "Muslim terrorists" and "Russian aggressors." Few Americans are disturbed that 1.25 million Iraqis and an unknown number of Afghans have died as a result of American invasions based on Bush regime lies and deceptions. Even Americans, like Senator Biden, Obama’s selection for vice president, who understand that the wars are based on lies, still want the US to win. So, it was all a mistake and a deception, but let’s win anyway and keep on killing.
I know people who still complain that the US did not nuke North Vietnam. When I ask why Vietnam should have been nuked, they reply, "if we had nuked them we would have won."
What would America have won? The answer is world loathing and the loss of the cold war.
For many Americans, war is like a sports contest in which they take vicarious pleasure and cheer on their side to victory. Millions of Americans are still bitter that "the liberal media" and war protesters caused America to lose the Vietnam war, and they are determined that this won’t happen again. These Americans have no realization that there was no more reason for the US to be fighting in Vietnam 40 years ago than to be fighting today in Iraq and Afghanistan or tomorrow in Iran.
Obama, if elected, is no guarantee against nuclear war. Obama has shown that he is as much under the Israel Lobby’s thumb as McCain. Obama’s foreign affairs advisor, Zbigniew Brzezinski, is not a neocon, but he was born in Warsaw, Poland, and has the Pole’s animosity toward Russia. The Bush administration has already changed US war doctrine to permit preemptive nuclear attack. With the US government determined to ring Russia with puppet states and military bases, war is inevitable.
Presidential appointees face confirmation in the Senate. Any of Obama’s appointees who might be out of step with plans for US and Israeli hegemony could expect opposition from large corporations and the Israel Lobby. There is no assurance that an Obama administration would not be positioned on "the issues" by the same special interests that have positioned the Bush administration.
Americans are filled with hubris, not with knowledge. They have no awareness of the calamity that their government’s pursuit of hegemony is bringing to themselves and to life on earth.
Paul Craig Roberts [email him] was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury during President Reagan’s first term. He was Associate Editor of the Wall Street Journal. He has held numerous academic appointments, including the William E. Simon Chair, Center for Strategic and International Studies, Georgetown University, and Senior Research Fellow, Hoover Institution, Stanford University. He was awarded the Legion of Honor by French President Francois Mitterrand. He is the author of Supply-Side Revolution : An Insider's Account of Policymaking in Washington; Alienation and the Soviet Economy and Meltdown: Inside the Soviet Economy, and is the co-author with Lawrence M. Stratton of The Tyranny of Good Intentions : How Prosecutors and Bureaucrats Are Trampling the Constitution in the Name of Justice. Click here for Peter Brimelow’s Forbes Magazine interview with Roberts about the recent epidemic of prosecutorial misconduct.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Paul Craig Roberts
Thinking about the massive failure of the US media to report truthfully is sobering. The United States, bristling with nuclear weapons and pursuing a policy of world hegemony, has a population that is kept in the dark--indeed brainwashed--about the most important and most dangerous events of our time.
The power of the Israel Lobby is an important component of keeping Americans in the dark. Recently I watched a documentary that demonstrates the control that the Israel Lobby exercises over Americans’ view of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The documentary is available here.
As a result of the US media’s one-sided coverage, few Americans are aware that for decades Israel has been ethnically cleansing Palestinians from their homes and lands under protection of America’s veto in the United Nations. Instead, the dispossessed Palestinians are portrayed as mindless terrorists who attack innocent Israel.
If one reads Israeli newspapers, such as Haaretz, or publications from Israeli organizations, such as the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions, one gets a radically different view of the situation than the propagandistic version delivered by US media and evangelical pulpits.
Most Americans know of the 2000 attack by Muslim terrorists on the USS Cole in Aden harbor that resulted in 17 dead and 39 wounded American sailors. But few have heard of Israel’s 1967 attack on the USS Liberty that left 34 American sailors dead and 174 wounded. Pressured by the Israel Lobby, President Johnson ordered Admiral McCain, father of the Republican presidential nominee, to cover up the attack. To this day there never has been a congressional investigation.
The failure of the American media is again evident in the coverage of the Georgian-Russian conflict. The US media presented the conflict as a Russian invasion of Georgia, whereas in actual fact the American and Israeli trained and equipped Georgian military launched a sneak attack to kill and to drive the Russian population out of South Ossetia, a separatist province.
Russian peacekeepers, together with Georgian ones, had been stationed in South Ossetia since the early 1990s. On orders from Mikheil Saakashvili, the American puppet "president" of Georgia, the Georgian peacekeepers turned their weapons on the unsuspecting Russian peacekeepers and murdered them.
This action by Saakashvili, elected with money from the neoconservative National Endowment for Democracy, an election-rigging tool of US hegemony, was a war crime. In truth, the Russians should have hung Saakashvili, as he is far more guilty than was Saddam Hussein. But it is Russia, not Saakashvili, that the US media has demonized.
Americans have become perfect subjects for George Orwell’s Big Brother. They sit stupidly in front of the TV news or the New York Times or Washington Post and absorb the lies fed to them. What is wrong with Americans? Why do they put up with it? Are Americans the nation of sheep that Judge Andrew P. Napolitano says they are? Americans flaunt "freedom and democracy" and live under a Ministry of Propaganda.
Two decades ago, President Reagan reached agreement with Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev to end the dangerous cold war. But every one of Reagan’s successors has sought to pick a new fight with Russia. In violation of the agreement, NATO has been taken to Russia’s borders, and the US is determined to put former constituent parts of Russia herself into NATO. In an effort to neutralize Russia’s nuclear deterrent and compromise her independence, the US is putting anti-ballistic missile bases on Russia’s borders.
The gratuitously aggressive US military policy toward Russia will lead to nuclear war. I am confident that if Americans elect John McCain, or the Republicans steal another presidential election, there will be nuclear war in the second decade of the 21st century. The neocon lies, propaganda, macho flag-waving, and use of US foreign policy in the interests of a few military-security firms, oil companies, and Israel are all leading in that direction.
The November election is perhaps the last chance to avoid nuclear war. But the opportunity might already have been missed. The Republicans have chosen as their candidate one of the most ignorant warmongers alive. The Democrats’ choice was between one of the most divisive women in America and a man of mixed race with a funny name. Considering American’s taste for war, the Democratic candidate could fail to defeat the GOP war candidate.
Many Americans will vote against Obama because he is black. Why does mixed ancestry confer the black label? If America’s population was predominantly black, would Obama be considered white?
Race and propaganda are more likely to determine the outcome of the November election than any awareness or consideration of real issues by voters.
The real issues are suffocated by the media. The American middle class is being destroyed by jobs offshoring and work visas for foreigners, while the incomes of the super rich are soaring. The US dollar’s reserve currency status is eroded. The US is massively in debt at home and abroad. Health insurance is unaffordable for the vast majority of the population. Injured veterans are being nickeled and dimed, while Halliburton’s profits escalate. Americans are losing their homes, while the US government bails out banks. Wars with Iran, Russia, and China are being planned in order to secure US hegemony.
Americans no longer have a government that is for the people and by the people. They have a government for and by special interests and an insane ideology.
But Americans have war, which lets them take out all their frustrations, resentments, and disappointments on "Muslim terrorists" and "Russian aggressors." Few Americans are disturbed that 1.25 million Iraqis and an unknown number of Afghans have died as a result of American invasions based on Bush regime lies and deceptions. Even Americans, like Senator Biden, Obama’s selection for vice president, who understand that the wars are based on lies, still want the US to win. So, it was all a mistake and a deception, but let’s win anyway and keep on killing.
I know people who still complain that the US did not nuke North Vietnam. When I ask why Vietnam should have been nuked, they reply, "if we had nuked them we would have won."
What would America have won? The answer is world loathing and the loss of the cold war.
For many Americans, war is like a sports contest in which they take vicarious pleasure and cheer on their side to victory. Millions of Americans are still bitter that "the liberal media" and war protesters caused America to lose the Vietnam war, and they are determined that this won’t happen again. These Americans have no realization that there was no more reason for the US to be fighting in Vietnam 40 years ago than to be fighting today in Iraq and Afghanistan or tomorrow in Iran.
Obama, if elected, is no guarantee against nuclear war. Obama has shown that he is as much under the Israel Lobby’s thumb as McCain. Obama’s foreign affairs advisor, Zbigniew Brzezinski, is not a neocon, but he was born in Warsaw, Poland, and has the Pole’s animosity toward Russia. The Bush administration has already changed US war doctrine to permit preemptive nuclear attack. With the US government determined to ring Russia with puppet states and military bases, war is inevitable.
Presidential appointees face confirmation in the Senate. Any of Obama’s appointees who might be out of step with plans for US and Israeli hegemony could expect opposition from large corporations and the Israel Lobby. There is no assurance that an Obama administration would not be positioned on "the issues" by the same special interests that have positioned the Bush administration.
Americans are filled with hubris, not with knowledge. They have no awareness of the calamity that their government’s pursuit of hegemony is bringing to themselves and to life on earth.
Paul Craig Roberts [email him] was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury during President Reagan’s first term. He was Associate Editor of the Wall Street Journal. He has held numerous academic appointments, including the William E. Simon Chair, Center for Strategic and International Studies, Georgetown University, and Senior Research Fellow, Hoover Institution, Stanford University. He was awarded the Legion of Honor by French President Francois Mitterrand. He is the author of Supply-Side Revolution : An Insider's Account of Policymaking in Washington; Alienation and the Soviet Economy and Meltdown: Inside the Soviet Economy, and is the co-author with Lawrence M. Stratton of The Tyranny of Good Intentions : How Prosecutors and Bureaucrats Are Trampling the Constitution in the Name of Justice. Click here for Peter Brimelow’s Forbes Magazine interview with Roberts about the recent epidemic of prosecutorial misconduct.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, 11 August 2008
Beliefs that stop us from being happy..........
Sorry a long post...you have been warned !
It's easy to think that being cheerful and optimistic is something that we can't control. But with the right attitude we can all have the power to feel better about ourselves and the way we live our lives.
All of us have days when we feel so fed up we can't help but wonder why everyone else seems happier than we do. That's when we start daydreaming about winning the lottery, but the truth is that putting more joy into our lives is about the changing way that we look at what we already have.
Studies show that people who think more positively are happier and healthier, and the good news according to Ben Renshaw, who helps run personal happiness courses, is that we all have the capacity to feel better, 'Happiness should be a normal state of mind,' he explains, 'But we let misconceptions get in the way and stop us feeling good. We can all be happier now.'
So what are we waiting for? As soon as we realize we're in control, we're already halfway to being happier. Look at the list of the most common myths that can spoil our joy and see if they are standing in our way.
1. I'll be happy tomorrow
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking happiness will happen once you achieve your goals, but you end up concentrating so hard on how much better life could be that it stops you appreciating what you've got. And by placing endless conditions, it'll always be out of reach.
That's what happened to Gillian, 34. First, she was convinced that getting married would make her happy, then it was having a baby. She achieved all that but then felt she had to go back to work and get promoted, Even then, she had a nagging desire to achieve more.
What to do: Postponing happiness to a future date means you'll never enjoy it. You don't earn it by achieving lots of goals – by all means aspire to great things, but enjoy every minute along the way.
2. It won't last
Are you too afraid to let yourself be happy because you're frightened life will slap you in the face and bring you crashing down to earth again? Try as you might, you can't help believing that happiness is always temporary and that, when it disappears, you'll feel even more miserable than before. You need to realize that if you don't take a risk, you'll end up missing out.
Life is a gamble and you need to be bold and go for what you want. Just because you were hurt in a previous relationship or let down in another way, it doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you all over again.
What to do: Stop always expecting the worst to arrive, and try to think positively. Remember, it's better to have been happy for a short while than stuck in a familiar but depressing situation. You might as well enjoy the good times that you already have. If you don't, it won't stop the bad times from happening – what have you got to lose?
3. He has to change
Sue, a young mother of two, had convinced herself that if her husband Simon was a bit more ambitious in his career prospects, worked harder and secured a promotion, then she'd have everything and be proud of him.
But if, like Simon, your partner is perfectly content with his life and job the way they are, spending your life waiting for him to change is just setting yourself up to feel let down by him when he doesn't alter his life the way you would like him to.
What to do: Making your happiness conditional to what someone else does means you're avoiding taking responsibility for your own feelings and ambitions. It's much easier to blame others for the things you think are wrong with your life rather than doing something about it yourself.
Of course, it's only fair to expect your partner to do his fair share of the housework or to be more affectionate towards you, but you must decide whether this is an important change that could make your relationship better or whether you're just using it as an excuse.
It's important to realize that your happiness isn't dependant on others. Of course they can help but, ultimately, only you have control over your own feelings. If a partner or friend doesn't make you happy, you either have to learn to live with them or decide if you want them in your life at all.
4. I don't like myself
When you're unhappy it's so easy to think that every thing in your life is wrong. The only solution seems to be to make some drastic changes and give up your job, finish your relationship or move house to make a fresh start.
Perhaps you can't see the wood for the trees. If didn’t mind that you've put on a stone of weight and were happy with your body, maybe you wouldn't row, with your partner because nothing fits when you're getting ready for work. Is the fact that you don't like one thing about yourself putting extra pressure on the good things in your life?
What to do: Get right down to the basics and work out the real reason that's making you feel so down. Next, learn to like, respect and value yourself. For example, if you're unhappy about your job stand in front of a mirror each morning, smile and say out loud and confidently, 'I am good at what I do.' It can help put you in a more positive frame of mind and help you cope with a bad day at work. If you've tried everything and you still feel stuck in a miserable job and relationship, then it could be time to think about doing something drastic and walking away.
5. They owe me
Having a chip on your shoulder about how much praise and happiness you deserve from other people can have a negative effect, because if those expectations aren't fulfilled then you're setting yourself up to feel really disappointed.
If you become too obsessed with the idea of getting what you think you deserve out of life, you can also lose sight of how much you've been given. Janice, 30, was convinced her life had been difficult and because of that she deserved more success in her career. Although she had a high powered job, she still expected constant praise and got depressed if she didn't get it. Instead of feeling hard done by Janice needed to accept that life can be tough and she isn't owed something because of that. We all like to be appreciated, but don't make it a condition for your own happiness.
What to do: Change your expectations and accept that you aren't owed more than anyone else. Be your own best critic. You know you've done something well, so give yourself credit for it rather than searching for appreciation from other people.
6. I don't deserve it
One of the most common beliefs of all is that happiness is something you have to work hard for and earn – and many people feel that they don't deserve it. Being depressed all the time won't help you, though. Think how much easier it is to cheer up a friend who's down if your feeling positive.
What to do: Don't feel guilty about being happy. Remember that a good mood can actually be infectious and the better you feel, the easier it is to spread some of that joy around to your friends and family.
7. If I looked different
There's probably something about your appearance that you really don't like. Whether you think that your nose is too big and plastic surgery is the answer, or you're desperate to be two sizes slimmer, it's easy to think that by changing the way you look you would automatically make yourself happier.
However, unless you have a real obsession and need professional help to do something about it, insecurity about the way you look is often an excuse not to get on with the rest of your life.
If you need to lose weight but something's stopping you, maybe you need to ask yourself why. The truth might be that it's safer to hide behind those extra few pounds and blame your lack of self confidence on that rather than risk doing something about it and discovering that you still don't like yourself much.
What to do: it's important to put these ideas in your mind into proportion and stop giving yourself a hard time about the way you look. Remember that when it comes to looks and personality, nobody's perfect – so stop trying to be.
Are you making yourself miserable?
If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions, then you could be accidentally sabotaging your own happiness.
• Do you think that happiness is something that only ever really happens to other people?
• Are you convinced that there's so much you don't like about aspects of your life such as work, your love life or your figure, that the only solution is to change everything?
• Are you always hankering after things you don't have, such as a better job and more money, or being able to fit into a size 12?
• Do you constantly find yourself expecting the worst of all situations and do you often think that if something does go well for you then it's probably too good to be true?
It's easy to think that being cheerful and optimistic is something that we can't control. But with the right attitude we can all have the power to feel better about ourselves and the way we live our lives.
All of us have days when we feel so fed up we can't help but wonder why everyone else seems happier than we do. That's when we start daydreaming about winning the lottery, but the truth is that putting more joy into our lives is about the changing way that we look at what we already have.
Studies show that people who think more positively are happier and healthier, and the good news according to Ben Renshaw, who helps run personal happiness courses, is that we all have the capacity to feel better, 'Happiness should be a normal state of mind,' he explains, 'But we let misconceptions get in the way and stop us feeling good. We can all be happier now.'
So what are we waiting for? As soon as we realize we're in control, we're already halfway to being happier. Look at the list of the most common myths that can spoil our joy and see if they are standing in our way.
1. I'll be happy tomorrow
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking happiness will happen once you achieve your goals, but you end up concentrating so hard on how much better life could be that it stops you appreciating what you've got. And by placing endless conditions, it'll always be out of reach.
That's what happened to Gillian, 34. First, she was convinced that getting married would make her happy, then it was having a baby. She achieved all that but then felt she had to go back to work and get promoted, Even then, she had a nagging desire to achieve more.
What to do: Postponing happiness to a future date means you'll never enjoy it. You don't earn it by achieving lots of goals – by all means aspire to great things, but enjoy every minute along the way.
2. It won't last
Are you too afraid to let yourself be happy because you're frightened life will slap you in the face and bring you crashing down to earth again? Try as you might, you can't help believing that happiness is always temporary and that, when it disappears, you'll feel even more miserable than before. You need to realize that if you don't take a risk, you'll end up missing out.
Life is a gamble and you need to be bold and go for what you want. Just because you were hurt in a previous relationship or let down in another way, it doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you all over again.
What to do: Stop always expecting the worst to arrive, and try to think positively. Remember, it's better to have been happy for a short while than stuck in a familiar but depressing situation. You might as well enjoy the good times that you already have. If you don't, it won't stop the bad times from happening – what have you got to lose?
3. He has to change
Sue, a young mother of two, had convinced herself that if her husband Simon was a bit more ambitious in his career prospects, worked harder and secured a promotion, then she'd have everything and be proud of him.
But if, like Simon, your partner is perfectly content with his life and job the way they are, spending your life waiting for him to change is just setting yourself up to feel let down by him when he doesn't alter his life the way you would like him to.
What to do: Making your happiness conditional to what someone else does means you're avoiding taking responsibility for your own feelings and ambitions. It's much easier to blame others for the things you think are wrong with your life rather than doing something about it yourself.
Of course, it's only fair to expect your partner to do his fair share of the housework or to be more affectionate towards you, but you must decide whether this is an important change that could make your relationship better or whether you're just using it as an excuse.
It's important to realize that your happiness isn't dependant on others. Of course they can help but, ultimately, only you have control over your own feelings. If a partner or friend doesn't make you happy, you either have to learn to live with them or decide if you want them in your life at all.
4. I don't like myself
When you're unhappy it's so easy to think that every thing in your life is wrong. The only solution seems to be to make some drastic changes and give up your job, finish your relationship or move house to make a fresh start.
Perhaps you can't see the wood for the trees. If didn’t mind that you've put on a stone of weight and were happy with your body, maybe you wouldn't row, with your partner because nothing fits when you're getting ready for work. Is the fact that you don't like one thing about yourself putting extra pressure on the good things in your life?
What to do: Get right down to the basics and work out the real reason that's making you feel so down. Next, learn to like, respect and value yourself. For example, if you're unhappy about your job stand in front of a mirror each morning, smile and say out loud and confidently, 'I am good at what I do.' It can help put you in a more positive frame of mind and help you cope with a bad day at work. If you've tried everything and you still feel stuck in a miserable job and relationship, then it could be time to think about doing something drastic and walking away.
5. They owe me
Having a chip on your shoulder about how much praise and happiness you deserve from other people can have a negative effect, because if those expectations aren't fulfilled then you're setting yourself up to feel really disappointed.
If you become too obsessed with the idea of getting what you think you deserve out of life, you can also lose sight of how much you've been given. Janice, 30, was convinced her life had been difficult and because of that she deserved more success in her career. Although she had a high powered job, she still expected constant praise and got depressed if she didn't get it. Instead of feeling hard done by Janice needed to accept that life can be tough and she isn't owed something because of that. We all like to be appreciated, but don't make it a condition for your own happiness.
What to do: Change your expectations and accept that you aren't owed more than anyone else. Be your own best critic. You know you've done something well, so give yourself credit for it rather than searching for appreciation from other people.
6. I don't deserve it
One of the most common beliefs of all is that happiness is something you have to work hard for and earn – and many people feel that they don't deserve it. Being depressed all the time won't help you, though. Think how much easier it is to cheer up a friend who's down if your feeling positive.
What to do: Don't feel guilty about being happy. Remember that a good mood can actually be infectious and the better you feel, the easier it is to spread some of that joy around to your friends and family.
7. If I looked different
There's probably something about your appearance that you really don't like. Whether you think that your nose is too big and plastic surgery is the answer, or you're desperate to be two sizes slimmer, it's easy to think that by changing the way you look you would automatically make yourself happier.
However, unless you have a real obsession and need professional help to do something about it, insecurity about the way you look is often an excuse not to get on with the rest of your life.
If you need to lose weight but something's stopping you, maybe you need to ask yourself why. The truth might be that it's safer to hide behind those extra few pounds and blame your lack of self confidence on that rather than risk doing something about it and discovering that you still don't like yourself much.
What to do: it's important to put these ideas in your mind into proportion and stop giving yourself a hard time about the way you look. Remember that when it comes to looks and personality, nobody's perfect – so stop trying to be.
Are you making yourself miserable?
If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions, then you could be accidentally sabotaging your own happiness.
• Do you think that happiness is something that only ever really happens to other people?
• Are you convinced that there's so much you don't like about aspects of your life such as work, your love life or your figure, that the only solution is to change everything?
• Are you always hankering after things you don't have, such as a better job and more money, or being able to fit into a size 12?
• Do you constantly find yourself expecting the worst of all situations and do you often think that if something does go well for you then it's probably too good to be true?
Thursday, 31 July 2008
The Diagnosis Dilemma
This is an interesting read as a very good friend of mine just received news of having cancer...... what would you do ? tell or keep it to yourself...????
To tell or not to tell?
By Marc Silver
In February 2007 Roz Zakheim learned she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The Los Angeles lawyer told her husband, her son, her friends, and her coworkers. But she didn’t tell her 91-year-old mother. “I’m the person primarily responsible for her,” Zakheim says. “I was just so worried about how devastating it would be to her.”
Many cancer patients wrestle with the question, should I tell? And if so, whom to tell? Cancer experts believe most people join the candid cancer crowd.
“I told everybody right away,” says Hester Hill Schnipper, chief of oncology social work at Beth Israel Deaconness Medical Center in Boston, who has twice been diagnosed with breast cancer. “I’m one of those people who had trouble not telling the person in the checkout line at the grocery store.” She is a fan of disclosure: “I think it’s cathartic, a way of starting to own it. Every time you say it aloud, it’s a little more real.”
Then there are the selective tellers, like Zakheim. Some keep news of a cancer diagnosis from elderly or emotionally frail relatives. Others inform virtually no one—perhaps just a few members of their inner circle.
“When I was a young eager beaver social worker, I would have thought there was never a reason not to tell,” says Schnipper. Now she understands the impulse to cover up. “I’ve changed my opinion. Sometimes the right decision is not telling your 90-year-old mother in a nursing home in Florida.” Nonetheless, in cancer circles, honesty is usually regarded as the best policy.
Why They Conceal
Cultural influences keep some people from sharing their diagnosis. Among Hindu religionists, cancer is often viewed as karmic payback for bad deeds from a past life, says Zul Surani, a community health educator who co-founded Saath, a nonprofit group that has a program to assist South Asian cancer patients. “One of our survivors said people in her religious community were telling others, ‘Stay away even from her shadow, because she’ll bring you bad luck,’ ” says Surani.
The Latino community, by contrast, has a tendency to get the whole family involved in supporting a cancer patient, says Amelie Ramirez, director of the Institute for Health Promotion Research at the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio. But she also sees stoic Latinos who think they can handle it on their own.
A fatalistic streak about cancer seals many lips. “In the Chinese community, people still think, ‘There’s nothing I can do about cancer, I will die soon,’ ” says Evaon Wong-Kim, PhD, a professor of social work at California State University, East Bay. Such a patient may not want to burden children, or even a spouse, with a cancer diagnosis. Yet this is hardly a Chinese-only viewpoint, Wong-Kim is quick to point out. Such feelings can be found in virtually every community, from African-American to white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, particularly among older generations.
And in every community, cancer patients make decisions based on their own personality and the personalities of their family members and friends. Louise Scott, 47, of Little Rock, Arkansas, told lots of people about her diagnosis of colon cancer but didn’t bring certain out-of-town buddies into the loop for a few months.
“I had close friends who were all problem-solvers,” she says. “They would have been giving me advice.” That’s not what she wanted: “I needed to figure it out myself.”
"Crises can bring out the best in people. If you don't clue someone in, you don't give them the occasion to rise to the occasion. ’’ —Anne Coscarelli, PhD
If the disease is in a watch-and-wait stage, not telling doesn’t require elaborate deceptions. Diagnosed with smoldering myeloma eight years ago, Susan goes in for regular blood tests to monitor her condition, considered a precursor of active disease. But she shows no symptoms. The 56-year-old New Yorker asked that her last name not be used because she has confided in her husband, a few close friends, and that’s it. Her mother, siblings, and grown children have no clue. “I feel like my children have enough pressure in their lives,” she says. “They’d be nicer to me if I tell them, but they’re treating me like regular, and that’s good. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or to worry.”
Late-stage disease may also prompt a degree of silence. Robin Baird practically made a public announcement when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 at age 43. The cancer has since recurred as metastatic disease. “I’ve never hidden it but I’ve told fewer people,” she says, “mostly because I don’t like the reaction. When you’ve had cancer multiple times, people do start looking at you like you are going to die. And I’m still Robin. I’m not cancer.”
The Cost of Secrecy
The decision to conceal can bring its own set of problems. Relationships may be adversely affected, says psychologist Anne Coscarelli, PhD, director of the Simms/Mann-UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology at the university’s Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center. “You’re not acting authentically because you’re so afraid of it being revealed. It affects the relationship in a negative way—it’s not one heart to another heart.”
Children who hear about a parent’s cancer from a source other than the parent, she notes, may feel they can no longer trust mom or dad. As for withholding the information from relatives who may seem too weak to cope, Coscarelli advises, “Crises can bring out the best in people. If you don’t clue someone in, you don’t give them a chance to rise to the occasion.”
As for swearing a few close family members or friends to secrecy, well, good luck with that. “Everyone you tell is going to tell someone else,” says Shirley Otis-Green, an oncology social worker at City of Hope Medical Center in Duarte, California. “They’re going to tell a confidante. They’re not betraying you. That’s what social beings do.”
Family members who do manage to keep the diagnosis in the closet may themselves suffer as a result of their silence. Jackie Schmidt’s father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1995 and died of the disease in 1998. He told only his wife, his two children and their spouses, and, near the end, a few close friends.
“It was very important to him to pretend it wasn’t there,” Schmidt says. “He wanted to live as normally as possible.” His decision saved his family the effort of explaining to people how he was doing, but there were significant trade-offs.
“All the support for my dad was left on the shoulders of our small family,” Schmidt explains. “My mom could have had more shoulders to lean on as a caregiver than she did. But that was the way my dad wanted to do it. We all had to respect that wish.”
Do Cover-Ups Work?
Many selective tellers are happy they zipped their lips. Freelance consultant Karl, who’s 58 and requested anonymity, doesn’t want his clients to know he has Waldenström macroglobulinemia, a rare, low-grade form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma that’s similar to multiple myeloma. His only symptoms have been fatigue and headaches; he has not had to undergo treatment.
“No one can look at me and see anything,” he says. So his clients are not in the loop, even folks he’s known for years. “They would assume I couldn’t do the work,” he explains. “And I can do the work.”
He also has shielded his elderly mother from the information, figuring she would just sit around and worry. The only tension comes when she gets together with other relatives who do know. He felt his decision was justified when his brother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. His mother’s reaction: “Thank God it’s not cancer.”
Other times, a no-teller becomes a teller, and that’s not such a bad thing.
After seven months of keeping her lymphoma diagnosis a secret from her mother, Roz Zakheim decided to reveal the news. “I was using a lot of emotional energy not telling her,” she says. “I finally realized maybe it was better if I did tell her.” She had cut back on visits to her mother because of the burden of concealment, and she couldn’t truthfully explain why she was sometimes cranky or tired.
Zakheim broke the news in a restaurant, hoping a public setting might prevent any meltdowns. She didn’t use the “c” word but described a lump that had been found that wasn’t benign, her radiation treatment, and her doctor’s optimistic outlook. Her mother simply said, “I hope it doesn’t come back.”
Now Zakheim visits her mother more frequently, and as for fears that her elderly mother would feel helpless, they didn’t prove true. Zakheim’s mother came up with a way to offer support, telling her daughter, “I pray for you every night.” The relationship between the 91-year-old mother and the 60-year-old cancer survivor has never been better.
To tell or not to tell?
By Marc Silver
In February 2007 Roz Zakheim learned she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The Los Angeles lawyer told her husband, her son, her friends, and her coworkers. But she didn’t tell her 91-year-old mother. “I’m the person primarily responsible for her,” Zakheim says. “I was just so worried about how devastating it would be to her.”
Many cancer patients wrestle with the question, should I tell? And if so, whom to tell? Cancer experts believe most people join the candid cancer crowd.
“I told everybody right away,” says Hester Hill Schnipper, chief of oncology social work at Beth Israel Deaconness Medical Center in Boston, who has twice been diagnosed with breast cancer. “I’m one of those people who had trouble not telling the person in the checkout line at the grocery store.” She is a fan of disclosure: “I think it’s cathartic, a way of starting to own it. Every time you say it aloud, it’s a little more real.”
Then there are the selective tellers, like Zakheim. Some keep news of a cancer diagnosis from elderly or emotionally frail relatives. Others inform virtually no one—perhaps just a few members of their inner circle.
“When I was a young eager beaver social worker, I would have thought there was never a reason not to tell,” says Schnipper. Now she understands the impulse to cover up. “I’ve changed my opinion. Sometimes the right decision is not telling your 90-year-old mother in a nursing home in Florida.” Nonetheless, in cancer circles, honesty is usually regarded as the best policy.
Why They Conceal
Cultural influences keep some people from sharing their diagnosis. Among Hindu religionists, cancer is often viewed as karmic payback for bad deeds from a past life, says Zul Surani, a community health educator who co-founded Saath, a nonprofit group that has a program to assist South Asian cancer patients. “One of our survivors said people in her religious community were telling others, ‘Stay away even from her shadow, because she’ll bring you bad luck,’ ” says Surani.
The Latino community, by contrast, has a tendency to get the whole family involved in supporting a cancer patient, says Amelie Ramirez, director of the Institute for Health Promotion Research at the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio. But she also sees stoic Latinos who think they can handle it on their own.
A fatalistic streak about cancer seals many lips. “In the Chinese community, people still think, ‘There’s nothing I can do about cancer, I will die soon,’ ” says Evaon Wong-Kim, PhD, a professor of social work at California State University, East Bay. Such a patient may not want to burden children, or even a spouse, with a cancer diagnosis. Yet this is hardly a Chinese-only viewpoint, Wong-Kim is quick to point out. Such feelings can be found in virtually every community, from African-American to white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, particularly among older generations.
And in every community, cancer patients make decisions based on their own personality and the personalities of their family members and friends. Louise Scott, 47, of Little Rock, Arkansas, told lots of people about her diagnosis of colon cancer but didn’t bring certain out-of-town buddies into the loop for a few months.
“I had close friends who were all problem-solvers,” she says. “They would have been giving me advice.” That’s not what she wanted: “I needed to figure it out myself.”
"Crises can bring out the best in people. If you don't clue someone in, you don't give them the occasion to rise to the occasion. ’’ —Anne Coscarelli, PhD
If the disease is in a watch-and-wait stage, not telling doesn’t require elaborate deceptions. Diagnosed with smoldering myeloma eight years ago, Susan goes in for regular blood tests to monitor her condition, considered a precursor of active disease. But she shows no symptoms. The 56-year-old New Yorker asked that her last name not be used because she has confided in her husband, a few close friends, and that’s it. Her mother, siblings, and grown children have no clue. “I feel like my children have enough pressure in their lives,” she says. “They’d be nicer to me if I tell them, but they’re treating me like regular, and that’s good. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or to worry.”
Late-stage disease may also prompt a degree of silence. Robin Baird practically made a public announcement when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 at age 43. The cancer has since recurred as metastatic disease. “I’ve never hidden it but I’ve told fewer people,” she says, “mostly because I don’t like the reaction. When you’ve had cancer multiple times, people do start looking at you like you are going to die. And I’m still Robin. I’m not cancer.”
The Cost of Secrecy
The decision to conceal can bring its own set of problems. Relationships may be adversely affected, says psychologist Anne Coscarelli, PhD, director of the Simms/Mann-UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology at the university’s Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center. “You’re not acting authentically because you’re so afraid of it being revealed. It affects the relationship in a negative way—it’s not one heart to another heart.”
Children who hear about a parent’s cancer from a source other than the parent, she notes, may feel they can no longer trust mom or dad. As for withholding the information from relatives who may seem too weak to cope, Coscarelli advises, “Crises can bring out the best in people. If you don’t clue someone in, you don’t give them a chance to rise to the occasion.”
As for swearing a few close family members or friends to secrecy, well, good luck with that. “Everyone you tell is going to tell someone else,” says Shirley Otis-Green, an oncology social worker at City of Hope Medical Center in Duarte, California. “They’re going to tell a confidante. They’re not betraying you. That’s what social beings do.”
Family members who do manage to keep the diagnosis in the closet may themselves suffer as a result of their silence. Jackie Schmidt’s father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1995 and died of the disease in 1998. He told only his wife, his two children and their spouses, and, near the end, a few close friends.
“It was very important to him to pretend it wasn’t there,” Schmidt says. “He wanted to live as normally as possible.” His decision saved his family the effort of explaining to people how he was doing, but there were significant trade-offs.
“All the support for my dad was left on the shoulders of our small family,” Schmidt explains. “My mom could have had more shoulders to lean on as a caregiver than she did. But that was the way my dad wanted to do it. We all had to respect that wish.”
Do Cover-Ups Work?
Many selective tellers are happy they zipped their lips. Freelance consultant Karl, who’s 58 and requested anonymity, doesn’t want his clients to know he has Waldenström macroglobulinemia, a rare, low-grade form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma that’s similar to multiple myeloma. His only symptoms have been fatigue and headaches; he has not had to undergo treatment.
“No one can look at me and see anything,” he says. So his clients are not in the loop, even folks he’s known for years. “They would assume I couldn’t do the work,” he explains. “And I can do the work.”
He also has shielded his elderly mother from the information, figuring she would just sit around and worry. The only tension comes when she gets together with other relatives who do know. He felt his decision was justified when his brother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. His mother’s reaction: “Thank God it’s not cancer.”
Other times, a no-teller becomes a teller, and that’s not such a bad thing.
After seven months of keeping her lymphoma diagnosis a secret from her mother, Roz Zakheim decided to reveal the news. “I was using a lot of emotional energy not telling her,” she says. “I finally realized maybe it was better if I did tell her.” She had cut back on visits to her mother because of the burden of concealment, and she couldn’t truthfully explain why she was sometimes cranky or tired.
Zakheim broke the news in a restaurant, hoping a public setting might prevent any meltdowns. She didn’t use the “c” word but described a lump that had been found that wasn’t benign, her radiation treatment, and her doctor’s optimistic outlook. Her mother simply said, “I hope it doesn’t come back.”
Now Zakheim visits her mother more frequently, and as for fears that her elderly mother would feel helpless, they didn’t prove true. Zakheim’s mother came up with a way to offer support, telling her daughter, “I pray for you every night.” The relationship between the 91-year-old mother and the 60-year-old cancer survivor has never been better.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
A Blessing.....
To have had children/ not…
Who are a true blessing nevertheless their continuous lovable never ending demands which are countless to say the least… but that’s what parenting is all about…. Which is by no means an easy task..Childless couples think they aren’t blessed.To them I say,it is all fate, Allah /God never gives you anything you cant handle..
I remember once while on holiday in Egypt, I noticed a poor family who had nothing but were truly happy for they had each other they said…
They were on the beach seated on the sand in a circle, all parents and grandparents with their children ,grandchildren and cousins, clapping away their miseries laughing and singing . I never forgot that sight, true devotion of love nevertheless the poverty. A blessing indeed.
Have family and friends?
To you all my friends I say count your blessings, for what you have and live life to your fullest without hurting a soul intentionally , if you did ,then ask forgiveness, so you will rest at peace. Knowing you have forgiven will put you at ease for what awaits you, total peace and freedom of anxiety, which stresses the living daylights of our everyday lives as we try to make ends meet.
To fulfill our dreams and better our standard of living in a sense ,getting hold of the materialistic virus that really offers no happiness but the need to want more and more still..
Have money? To have loved /been loved?
Money does make the world go around, but love makes it so colorful , worth living and is a true blessing.
So the best blessing in my opinion is to have loved all and been loved back....
I thank you all for being in my life.
Who are a true blessing nevertheless their continuous lovable never ending demands which are countless to say the least… but that’s what parenting is all about…. Which is by no means an easy task..Childless couples think they aren’t blessed.To them I say,it is all fate, Allah /God never gives you anything you cant handle..
I remember once while on holiday in Egypt, I noticed a poor family who had nothing but were truly happy for they had each other they said…
They were on the beach seated on the sand in a circle, all parents and grandparents with their children ,grandchildren and cousins, clapping away their miseries laughing and singing . I never forgot that sight, true devotion of love nevertheless the poverty. A blessing indeed.
Have family and friends?
To you all my friends I say count your blessings, for what you have and live life to your fullest without hurting a soul intentionally , if you did ,then ask forgiveness, so you will rest at peace. Knowing you have forgiven will put you at ease for what awaits you, total peace and freedom of anxiety, which stresses the living daylights of our everyday lives as we try to make ends meet.
To fulfill our dreams and better our standard of living in a sense ,getting hold of the materialistic virus that really offers no happiness but the need to want more and more still..
Have money? To have loved /been loved?
Money does make the world go around, but love makes it so colorful , worth living and is a true blessing.
So the best blessing in my opinion is to have loved all and been loved back....
I thank you all for being in my life.
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
The Critic
A dear friend of mine sent me this email, which I found extraordinary, and told him I'd share it with you all to enjoy....
Luna,
Not sure if you have seen this excerpt from a speech by Teddy Roosevelt speaking at the Sorbonne in 1910. I thought that you miight enjoy its message.
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”
Feedback please....
How would you rate the excerpt ???
Sunday, 6 July 2008
Is there life in later life ???
I always enjoy surfing the net for these questions, which never seem to stop me thinking about life in the future. You might call me a weirdo and add that the future should be dealt with as it comes to hand. Nevertheless, if there is a possibility of improving my life in any which way whether be it in the educational fields or whatever then I am all for it heart and soul.
Here’s a short quiz for you all to try out , which I also passed on to my students, of whom I am happy to say fully appreciated.
I will post the answers after you all comment lol.
Enjoy!
1. What is the predicted current maximum human lifespan?
a) Approximately 90 years.
b) Approximately 120 years.
c) Approximately 104 years.
2. Which of these facts about dementia is true?
a) It is caused by years of stress.
b) It is an inevitable part of ageing.
c) Most 90 year olds don’t have it.
3. Since 1842, life expectancy has been going up by how much every year?
a)One week.
b)Three months.
c)Three weeks.
4. Why can exercise in later life help to reduce falls?
a) It improves balance and confidence.
b) It improves sleep patterns.
c)It helps prevent arthritis.
5. The record for the world’s oldest person to Loop the Loop” in a glider is at what age?
a) 95 years.
b) 85 years.
c) 75 years.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)