Rantings....

I have been so tired lately . My health is not as before but I must push forward . I always count my blessing for the family and trustful friends I have for without them I don't know where Id be today.

Really am happy to have a married daughter and two still to go.When I see them packing and with such excitement a feeling of hurt gets me,and put on a good show of hiding it . As if they couldn't wait to leave. I did my best as a mother and sacrificed a lot for them;but this guilt feeling wont let me be.

Friends of mine say its the norm. I don't know.I am happy and sad at the same time;for a part of my life is over and I'm pushed aside due to the nest opening up . Not that Im whining . I just have to get used to another way of living.

Life is short and we never know when our time will be up ;so we must make the best of it and live each day as if it were our last.I no longer shed tears or get mad as I used to ,for have come to terms with that everything happens for a reason.We are here for a purpose and must make the best of it.

I suddenly remembered a friend of mine who was in love with blues and when dying he had asked his family to play the blues for him while they lowered the coffin into the ground at the cemetery.At the the time I was quite young and thought it a strange request now I have come to believe it a great idea leaving the world with music .

Haram Id been told I was an infidel. I don't have to prove my religion to anyone . It is solely mine and personal. I was attacked (by way of mouth) in having the zimzamat at my daughter's wedding,who were a blast, as they smoked and I was being nice to them. I couldn't care less. If I was nice to them its my doing .And why shouldn't I ?And what If they smoked? So what?

The hypocrisy of the fact is that the same women who made a big deal about the zimzamats smoking, smoke themselves!This I know for a fact.They objected to them smoking in public. What the heck ?
What is the difference ? At the end of the day its women who smoke which I personally don't agree with nevertheless don't hold it against them.

Smoking like any other habit is a personal choice and should be left at that .What things they do in their personal lives is no concern of mine. Many of these women have become zimzamats not due to choice but mostly due to not having a supportive family,school drop outs, born out of wedlock,single mothers etc. Some have lovers others are married and they have kids and families .Their husbands if married are drunks or drug users. They are very similar to gypsies ,yet they wear hejab have their own taxi driver who they share their income with ( a modern Islamic version of a clean cut pimp ). I am not being sarcastic but simply stating the matter of fact as all know it to be but wont write about it nor accept it.

At the end of the day they enjoy playing the darbuka and singing. Its their sole income.When you look at them you tend to feel so sorry for them that they have had a very hectic and harsh life ;living in a vicious circle that is nearly impossible to get out of.