Happy Easter !

A Happy Easter to all who celebrate it !

..and Allah/God created woman.....

A good friend sent me this ,which I thought worth sharing and posting .




"The women talk openly about the misery they face - homelessness, the death of loved ones, whose photos they love to hand round, their children's trauma after the horrors they've seen.The women talk openly about the misery they face - homelessness, the death of loved ones, whose photos they love to hand round, their children's trauma after the horrors they've seen."


"But much harder for them discuss, the mental health workers say, is the abuse increasing numbers of Gaza women suffer at home. "


You can read the rest here

To this article and ones similar, are really always a great concern to my daily existence .Being mother and teacher to our Libyan daughters ; I respond not to the Women of Gaza alone,which are in my prayers as are all my friends and family and anyone in need of prayers,but to all women...

A maltreated woman ,whether be she in in Gaza , Libya, or the west is more or less in the same position. Nothing differs with the implication of verbal or physical abuse ;resulting in a weakened mistreated woman who doesn't know right from wrong behavior as shes brought to up to believe that anything her so called beloved ,destined, ,provider and supposedly devoted husband is correct though deep in her gut feels something is wrong and lives in self denial....

In this world of ours women be they whatever ethnic race, or religion are continuously being abused verbally or physically.
Being a mother of daughters ,I simply get sick upon hearing about abuse of any nature ,but especially towards women who are the center of life and if well nourished and I dont mean foodwise can contribute with all they have to their families. I pray that my daughters and all women never have to go through such cruelty as degrading as it is.......

Libyan men are the same as others humans of the same sex when it comes to abuse. Verbal abuse is always the first to be implemented ie to keep the wife on her toes.If the woman is successful in her work ,the man with his mothers support will put her in her place at whatever cost even if it takes them to court.

I always told my daughters and female students to never accept such situations because as soon as the verbal part of abuse sets in then the physical will follow suite ,no matter the years of marriage ,or the children a couple share etc... he has to prove his machismo and dedication to his mother first, to feel himself a man .

I am not stating this out of the blue. I am very familiar with the situation.
A woman must accept herself as that ie the joy of being a woman, as Allah/God created. Having a decent partner these days is like winning the lottery . Yes, its all about luck and how the woman responds to the her man's abusiveness.

A unknown quote I always use with all the young ladies I teach is that
"when I teach a man ;I teach a person,when I teach a woman I teach a family."
That is why we must pay a lot of attention to our younger generation of women and rid them of their weaknesses by educating them and making them fully aware of abusive men and what theyd be up against.Some women are just plain magnets to these bunch of losers.

What it all comes down to is lack of awareness for both partners. We say that its more common in the Arab world than in the west until we read the headlines of open minded women who are self dependent and supported but in abusive relationships.Now ,where do we put the blame?????


The blame dear readers is in the weak woman. The more she advances intellectually and becomes aware of such weaknesses the better her option of having a great partner thus a successful marriage.

No husband or wife will ever be 100%. It takes two to tango !But abuse is not to be pushed under the carpet. Here in Libya, it's an accepted fact that its better being married no matter what the cost of abuse, than divorced. Even if the husband is not only verbally abusive but physically too.

Many men are obviously verbally cruel and abusive. Others are more subtle.

Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul.

Many women never discuss verbal abuse. Indeed, some do not even recognize that they are being verbally abused.

Often a verbal abuser is quite sensitive to outsiders finding out about the abuse and is very careful to save these scenes for the home environment only. Many verbal abusers are delightful, charming men in public. They treat their spouse with such respect that people often think they "are the perfect couple." They save their cruelty for a private audience of one.

Why do intelligent, warm women permit verbal abuse from fiances and later from spouses?

During the courtship period, everyone is on their best behavior. The verbal abuse is slight and probably few and far between. Since women want to believe the best of their lovers, they overlook obvious verbal abuse. Chemistry adds to the capability women have to overlook the first subtle signs of abuse.

Then they marry and live together. And the abuse starts...


Many women find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because you cannot see it, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused women state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously. These questions will help you identify if you ,the wonderful woman that Allah/God created ,are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it.

What is your relationship like?

* Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it?
* Do you feel that your partner controls your life?
* Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings?
* Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you?
* Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
* Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes?
* Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you are abused is because he loves you?
* Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you?
* Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
* When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag?
* Are you prevented from going to work or school, or from learning English?
* Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin?
* If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny,
* or say you don't deserve anything?
* After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up?
* Does he use the children against you in arguments? Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave?
* Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?

How are you affected?

* Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself?
* Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him?
* Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
* Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate?
* Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, use?
* Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to?
* Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time?
* Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours?
* Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone?

What can you do about it?

* Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help.
* Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse.
* Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously.
* Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death.
* Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour.
* Find people to talk to that can support you.

* Find someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously.
* Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time.
* Trust yourself and your own experiences. Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive.

Any woman whos in an abusive rapport please bear in mind that when you accept that you are in an abusive relationship ;you are half way to helping yourself and children if any.....

To All women !

This was passed on to me from a dear friend .....Thanks Anna

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Happy Libyan Mothers' and Childrens' Day !

To all Libyan Children and Mothers

In Libya the 20th and 21st March Mothers' and Childrens' Day are celebrated at the same time !

In the past I visited many hospitalized children some with HIV others with Cancer. To my knowledge these children are taken care of during these days and I got slapped in the face by many who thought and said I had done it for mere publicity -none of which is true.

I now visit the orphanage and many hospitals at least once a month when I dont have a health issue and can have someone replace me at work.The children are so happy to see me when I visit I have tried in vain to take pics of them but its not permitted.I have also adopted two children from the orphanage with Down Syndrome .The important thing is that they feel that someone cares for them.......

Lolitta Ali ,a good friend of mine and a recent blogger, who writes beautiful poetry ,encouraged me to write a poem for my mother,who is also a relative of hers. I dont think my daughters will follow suite ,or just maybe they will lol we will have to see on Saturday what they come up with ; my bridezillas lol!

My Mama :

My mother is someone who loves me

Who cares for me in every way

She sits down and listens

To what I have to say



She always thinks I'm beautiful

Never puts me down

She always has a smile

To wipe away my frown



My mother is someone who believes in me

Always pushes me to go high

Tells me to believe in myself

No matter what I say



My mother is like an angel

Although without the wings

She tells me to enjoy

Life's most smallest things



I really love my mother

She means so much to me

Mama I really love you

And that's how it always will be.

Libyan Bridezillas ; want them ???

Having daughters getting married is something that every mother wishes to attend while still alive.This has been my wish since I became a mother;to have my nest ,set the wings and teach them to fly to later see them actually fly away !

The girls wanting everything in tip top order screaming when not obtainable,and I get to calm this one ,then her sis then well another problem comes up……blah blah blah

I sometimes panic at the thought of remaining all alone, but ce est la vie !
You have no idea what I have been going through lately for the arrangement of the sala ie the reception hall ,the invites, the tasting of the food some of which was a total disaster. And the postponement; every time we’re ready a death occurs and we have to postpone again!SIGH !

Ah yes ,the zimzamat,have had to reserve the zimzamat( some have told me theyre haram-I couldn’t care less because the same bunch of hypoctites supposedly good muslim are just that, universal hypocruites big time. I listen to my heart and my intuition has never failed me.The party has to be blast so all ladies can enjoy themselves.I usually notice the ones who stated of the zemzamat being haram are the first to dance lol…..when I tell them I thought they said they were haran they reply they couldn’t not dance as the music was great !


A folkloric group of ladies that play and sing old songs some of which can be quite dirty slang wise ,though I do admit they brighten up the atomosphere,and all though they disapprove of them ,dance to their songs with such joy .Hypocrites ?? No, the songs will leave anyone wanting to dance due to their words and husky voices( due to smoking ). They were always provided alcohol in the past ,nowadays its cigarettes only hopefully.

Now my daughter the bridezillas ,they are rushing getting everything in tip top shape . When preparing their suitcases and things they have bought for their new homes ,my eyes became watery and I felt it ,yes deep down in my gut. You grow up your kids ,teach them and there comes a time when they will have to go and you’re supposed to be happy, not that I’m not.

They are marrying great guys, MashaAllah and I do wish them the best in life.My son tells me it’s the fear of becoming a granny that may be the reason for my so called state of mind. I answer it isn’t ,just that my job is done and I have to learn to move on. I have created with Allahs help fine dependable young women whom I have sacrificed my life to and I do not in any way shape or form regret doing so.

May Allah bless them for me as I am thankful for being alive and seeing them leave my nest and make one for themselves..Alhamdulilah.

What more can I ask???

Dear Violet..........

Linking to Violets recent post….

Dear Violet,
I do thank you for bringing up such an interesting topic which I experienced with my first born daughter.


In my opinion, when a woman is strong willed, educated ,and aware of what she’s up against, she will never fall for jerks or control freaks, thus making her life a successful one ie making the right choice

I have daughters and when my first went to university I was such a proud mother. I have always been close to my children but never over protective of fear that they become weak and wont be able to stand up to what beliefs and principles I brought them up with ,mainly of being themselves .

My daughter had always excelled in school emitting herself from partying with her friends and cousins,on the ocasions Only the religious festivals would she attend, to go to her grand parents whom she adored and they praised, for such a beautiful mind and serious commitment in studying. Even her siblings, my younger children in contrast, where nothing to compare to their big sis’s scholastic records. She even had teachers fighting over her to have her in their class! Till this day they have her photo on the school board as being the most brilliant of students, the school had ever had!

Upon entering the university here in Tripoli at Al Fatah , Engineering at that –you’d think that young ladies had better insight than average illiterate, ignorant women who had no chance of finishing college and getting a degree. Little did I know of what my daughter was up against.


Soon she made friends, and all were young men whom she could relate to, needless to say she couldn’t get along with the female engineers. They were so much into catching a man and putting on a show of stupidity and pretense that she just couldn’t stand.

The young men respected her and really enjoyed her presence as their main focus was in passing with the best results. They would gather and study all together.

All fine you might say –till one day she was laughed at for being so into her courses telling her she would never marry a Libyan, and remain a spinster.
Such harsh words, which only emphasized how jealous they were of how well she was doing in her studies and she answered back stating that if all Libyan men thought in the same manner she would not want to marry them and could, have them!
Yes. that was my girl ! I have brought up a lady with principles and priorities, she, the weakest in character of her siblings spoke out. I was so happy and that made my day.

When discussing this issue with my girlfriends many which are multicultural ,some married to Libyans others divorced, we came to a conclusion that men in general , but especially Libyan men, seem to thoughroghly enjoy the intelligence of women ,in everyday co working relationships, while discussing current or past issues- but at the end of the day, that they settle for the stupid ones when marrying , to make them feel grand machos!

Easy they say ......

Last week I had lasic done. All ok and so what you might add.Still My situation was not of the norm as I had a passed eye infection due to the cement blowing into my eyes –and I did a good job of rubbing it in!

My saviours none other than the Saint James Hospital who had a visiting doctor last week and encouraged me to do the lasic.

Now Ive become short and narrow sighted. Why? Having to answer to students querries and truly enjoying the face to face contact I always forgot that I was looking at them with my reading glasses. I remember telling myself that vision wasn’t bad cause I could see all their skin imperfections!

If they had let me Id have squeezed their pimples . Strange? Well I just cant stand a pimple looking at me straight in the eye!

So upon doing the pre-lasic I was found to be a plus and not a minus. Meaning both far and short sighted augh !
What next ? I asked .
Its easy said the surgeon ,you wont feel a thing but the next day you feel very uncomfortable-then you’ll be ok and wont need glasses any longer . Need I say what I replied , Sure I jumped on the idea and was so happy to have it done.

Now the next day was not only uncomfortable ,but more of a day in hell. I have had many operations, kids and other this was different. One doesn’t know the meaning of having sight till something goes wrong. They had given me drops to use whenever I felt pain. Asked them if they had anything stronger to knock me off –they hadn’t sigh.

I just slept all day and had all kinds of dreams or should I say nightmares. Guess this was due to the laser light I had. Gosh even going to the toilet became a journey ! I was soooo cold one minute boiling the next really- drove my girls crazy….

I had to be fed. Just imagine, cause otherwise Id spill everything on to myself . Yes , I became an invalid at the mercy of my kids. Something ,Ms Luna so high and mighty would never want , dream of,let alone accept.

Before I had the darn lasic I had asked that I be back to work after two days and they gave me the look. We’ll see how you feel and then you decide.

Two days passed and the pain lingered. I only sleep upon taking panadol extra which I haven’t taken since God knows when.

Three and four days passed.Still wearing my darkest sunglasses joking about being a movie star when I had just woke up then Ms Luna the pain stricken nauseated lady would show up and all kids and cats would disappear into thin air !

NO tv ,mobile no lights naturally or sunshine . I was living in the dark ages. Bet they’d say they had fun back then ! Something new I started to react to whoever spoke to me by looking upwards kind of like Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles not that I sing or play the piano like them !Now I know why they look up. Hearing became a skillful art or maybe it was a mental thing - I actually heard more by moving my head in the upright left –right direction duh !

Finally my fifth day and the lens that was placed had to be removed. AT LONG LAST.

I had a meeting the very same day at the British Council, needless to say I went with my eyes fiery red and bloodshot. People I encountered actually stared and felt sorry and some even had tears cause they couldn’t look at my eyes thinking they still stung. Told them that the dark eye glasses were a cover up as I was Hollywood star in disguise !

I forgot to mention that all who did lasic with me had encountered no problems and were back at work. They were all minuses and I was plus.Good old plus . Never has something sounding so positive affected one in the most super negative of negatives ever !